When pushing through stopped working—and I finally had to pay attention to what my mind and body were telling me.

During the COVID pandemic, I encountered significant challenges with stress, anxiety, and eventually depression. But I was so engrossed in my work that I overlooked the symptoms for what they really were—cries for help.

I kept pushing.

I pushed until occasional sleepless nights turned into severe insomnia. I would go to bed around 9:00 or 9:30 at night and still be awake at 6:00 the next morning, even after working long days—sometimes as much as 15 hours.

Then other things started happening.

I began experiencing sleep paralysis and night terrors. I would forget things like door codes I used every day. I forgot common words and people’s names. I mispronounced words I had been saying since I was younger. The brain fog became harder and harder to ignore.

When I finally went to a doctor, I was told to stretch, practice yoga before bed, write down my tasks for the next day, and take Benadryl.

So I tried to keep going.

But things didn’t get better.

It wasn’t until I almost fainted at work that I decided I needed to see someone else.

That second doctor did something different. My new physician assessed me for anxiety, depression, and stress.

I knew I was stressed. I knew I was dealing with anxiety.

But depression?

I didn’t believe I was depressed.

How could I have been struggling that badly and still not recognize it in myself?

How could I have overlooked the signs of my own depression?